Monday, September 30, 2013

I Need a Hand!



There's a good chance you've heard somebody say, or you've said yourself, "I wish I had a third arm." Whether it's while doing chores or trying to carry a bunch of things at once, I'm sure we've all felt this way at one time or another. It only makes sense, right? I mean, what was God thinking when he only gave us two arms? Three arms would be much better. Ok, so let's go back to when God created man. Let's say God gave man three arms. Now fast forward to the beginning of this blog post:

There's a good chance you've heard somebody say, or you've said yourself, "I wish I had a fourth arm." Whether it's while doing chores or trying to carry a bunch of things at once, I'm sure we've all felt this way at one time or another. It only makes sense, right? I mean, what was God thinking when he only gave us three arms? Four arms would be much better. Ok, so let's go back to when God created man. Let's say God gave man four arms. Now fast forward to the beginning of this blog post:

There's a good chance you've heard somebody say, or you've said yourself, "I wish I had a fifth arm...

Alright, I'll stop there, I think you're getting the point. Even though there are times when it seems like we could use another arm or hand, two arms is how God created us and I'm not about to argue with the Creator. Could you imagine if we looked like this guy though:



Oh Goro, you and your sneaky tactics, holding my two arms while you beat me mercilessly with your other two arms.....sorry, I just had a little flashback of playing Mortal Kombat when I was a teenager.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yea, two arms is all we need. In fact, as a new daddy, I've learned to do a lot of things with one arm while the other arm was holding a baby. 

I could rewrite that whole Alanis Morissette song:

"...cause I've got one hand holding a baby and the other one is giving a high five!"

"...cause I've got one hand holding a baby and the other one is flicking a cigarette!"

Ooooh, that song just became very inappropriate.

I've learned how to do a lot of things one handed while holding a baby. Things like mowing the lawn, cooking bacon, riding my motorcycle. I'm kidding of course. Don't go calling child services on me. 

Later in life if I lose one of my arms, I'll be prepared. Speaking of amputees, Demetri Martin once said something like "If I ever see an amputee being hanged, I'll just start shouting out letters." I'm not sure if I quoted him exactly, but it was something like that. 

Well, I have gone way off track. But I guess the initial point I was trying to make was, we may sometimes think that having two arms isn't enough but it is. We do this with everything, we feel we don't have enough money, food, clothing, etc. 

Consider the lilies (Luke 12:27-31)

One more thing. If you still think having more than two arms would be better, I've made a top ten list of why having more than two arms would be a bad thing. 

1. You'd spend a lot more on underarm deodorant, gloves, fingernail polish, etc.

2. Have you ever tried dressing a baby? Imagine dressing one with six arms. 

3. You wouldn't want to be able to count how old you are on your fingers when you're 80.

4. Clipping your fingernails would take forever.

5. It would be confusing when someone said, "Look at those forearms."

6. Getting just two thumbs down is devastating enough.

7. Sign language would be too complicated.

8. Imagine the dentist coming at you with four hands saying, "Open wide."

9. Your driving instructor would remind you to keep your hands at 10 and 2 and 6 and 3 and 8 and 11.

10. Raise your right hand, no, your other right hand, no, your other right hand, no, your other right hand, no.......

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