I try be a good law abiding citizen. But there are just some laws out there that are just too dumb to follow. If I want to hum while walking down the street, I will. If I want to take a lion to the movie theater with me, I'm gonna do it! And if I want to carry an ice cream cone in my back pocket, don't try to stop me!!
What the heck am I talking about. I'm talking about dumb laws. You can find a bunch of them by visiting dumblaws.com. Many of the laws found on that website are laws that probably aren't necessarily enforced, but they have never been abolished, so they are still in effect.
Also, many of the laws featured at dumblaws.com were passed many years ago and are based on religious beliefs. Some of the laws have been passed because someone did something really stupid, so a law has been passed to prevent it from happening again. Kind of like the sign we had at Blockbuster video when I worked there that said, "Gift cards cannot be used to purchase gift cards." That sign would not be there unless someone tried to do it. So go check out dumblaws.com, and to get a sampling of what you'll find on the site, I'll list one law from each state below. Enjoy!
Alabama: Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.
(But railroad tracks taste so bland without salt.)
Alaska: Moose may not be viewed from an airplane.
(...and if you look to your left, no wait, MOOSE!, don't look!)
Arizona: A decree declares that anyone caught stealing soap must wash himself with it until it is all used up.
(Oh man, I shouldn't have stolen that case of bulk soap from Sam's Club)
Arkansas: The Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock.
(Try telling God that.)
California: It is illegal to own a green or smelly animal hide.
(I agree with this one.)
Colorado: It is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor.
(I guess being a selfish neighbor is a requirement in Colorado.)
Connecticut: In order for a pickle to officially be considered a pickle, it must bounce.
(Uh yea...how is this a law?)
Delaware: No person shall pretend to sleep on a bench on the boardwalk.
(But it's so much fun to pretend to sleep while you're at the beach. What else is there to do?)
Florida: Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.
(But officer, I was only pretending to sleep, it's fun! Although I did get arrested for pretending to sleep one time in Delaware on the boardwalk.)
Georgia: If you want to read your favorite book in public to your friends, do it before 2:45am.
(Gee, Stanley, I'd really like to hear how "To Kill a Mockingbird" ends, but it's almost 3 in the morning.)
Hawaii: Coins are not allowed to be placed in one's ears.
(But how else am I supposed to show off my shiny new pennies?)
Idaho: It is illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.
(Guys, if you have a sweetheart that requires 50 pounds of sweets at one time just coat a 50 pound rock with chocolate or a candy shell, she won't know the difference.)
Illinois: The English language is not to be spoken.
(¿Que?)
Indiana: Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March.
(That gives a whole new meaning to "Trick or treat, smell my feet" and by the time Valentine's Day rolls around you probably wouldn't want to be anywhere near the one you love.)
Iowa: Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants.
(There must be some pretty messed up horses in Iowa.)
Kansas: If two trains meet on the same track, neither shall proceed until the other has passed.
(Yea, go ahead, read that one a few more times and maybe you'll be as confused as I am. My brain hurts.)
Kentucky: One may not dye a duckling blue and offer it for sale unless more than six are for sale at once.
(I swear, I am not making these up.)
Louisiana: It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.
(They couldn't just leave it at "It's illegal to rob a bank"?)
Maine: It is illegal to park in front of Dunkin Donuts.
(Parking in rear, which is the same place those donuts go when you eat them.)
Maryland: It is illegal to remove a public building by writing on it.
(What the crap does that even mean? I'll write on this building, then they'll have to move it, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!)
Massachusetts: Tomatoes may not be used in the production of clam chowder.
(Shouldn't that be more of a preference than a law?)
Michigan: No person shall throw an abandoned hoop skirt into any street or on any sidewalk, under penalty of a five dollar fine for each offense.
(That's hoop-law!)
Minnesota: A person may not cross state lines with a duck atop his head.
(Sorry ducky, I'll have to carry you in my arms from this point forward)
Mississippi: It is unlawful to shave in the center of main street.
(But my wife is hogging the bathroom and this seemed like the second best place to trim my whiskers.)
Missouri: Minors can buy rolling paper and tobacco, but not lighters.
(Yea, because we all know that fire only comes from lighters.)
Montana: Worrying squirrels will not be tolerated.
(Leave that squirrel alone, he already has self-esteem issues)
Nebraska: It is illegal to go whale fishing.
Nevada: Everyone walking the streets is required to wear a mask.
(That sounds like a fun law! I'm moving to Nevada!)
New Hampshire: In cemeteries it is illegal to: get drunk, picnic, enter at night, and enter by one's self if that person is younger than 10.
(If you are under 10 while getting drunk at a picnic at 11pm by yourself, you are in BIG trouble!)
New Jersey: You cannot pump your own gas.
(I lived in Jersey for a year and the gas station attendent will seriously freak out if you try to get out of your car. They're afraid the gas station will blow up or something.)
New Mexico: Idiots may not vote.
(It's a good thing I'm a moron.)
New York: The penalty for jumping off a building is death.
(Thank you captain obvious.)
North Carolina: Bingo games must not last over 5 hours unless it is held at a fair.
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North Dakota: It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on.
(Mom, stop making laws!)
Ohio: If one loses their pet tiger, they must notify the authorities within one hour.
(Oh man, my tiger got away. Well, I'll finish watchin' my show and then I'll call the authorities.)
Oklahoma: Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.
(Ironically, there is a sign outside the place where they have to get the permit that says "No Dogs Allowed".)
Oregon: It's illegal to walk down a sidewalk and knock a snake's head off with your cane.
(A Machete is much more effective.)
Pennsylvania: It is illegal to sleep on top of a refridgerator outdoors.
(Yup, sounds like something a Pennsylvanian would do.)
Rhode Island: It is considered an offense to throw pickle juice on a trolley.
(Where else am I supposed to throw it?)
South Carolina: Horses are to wear pants at all times.
(Horse.....pants.....huh....)
South Dakota: It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory.
(If you're going to do that, then go down the street to the pillow factory.)
Tennesee: It is illegal for a woman to call a man for a date.
(Take that Sadie Hawkins!)
Texas: It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.
(Sorry, you'll have to go up to the third floor if you want to do that.)
Utah: It is illegal not to drink milk.
(Lactose intolerance, shmolerance! Drink your milk!)
Vermont: Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.
(I feel bad for widows with no teeth.)
Virginia: Spitting on a sea gull is not tolerated.
(But it was really annoying me, it kept on saying mine? mine? mine?)
Washington: You may not ride an ugly horse.
(That's mean.)
West Virginia: Whistling underwater is prohibited.
(Not to mention impossible.)
Wisconsin: If one is thought of as offensive looking, it is illegal for him to be in public during the day.
(Go on, get out of here, and take your ugly horse with you.)
Wyoming: Junk dealers may not make any business transactions with drunk persons.
(Or was it drunk dealers may not make any business transactions with junk persons? I can't remember.)
That's all, see you next week!
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